Sometimes things happen and suddenly nothing is ever the same. Like you think the sky is only a beautiful blue until you see the orange, red, yellow and purple hue of twilight. Or you are never afraid of driving too fast until you lose control on a wet road. Or you give and give and give only to find people can never give back to your own expectations. Or you no longer can have that milkhake because you modified your system and now it makes you sick. Or you go about living your life like you have a never ending amount of tomorrow’s until you are faced with a terminal type illness.

There are so many emotions that flood to the surface that you realize you had never allowed yourself to feel. There are things you want to say that you may have wanted to hide before. There are things that are no longer acceptable that you would have allowed to slide. There are co-dependencies you need to break to allow people to live their own lives. Or maybe even a lot less faith than you had claimed to have. And there is an utter determination to do what you have only dreamed before the curtain closes.

But what do you do when these things all come at once? When you know you don’t have the strength enough to be the Mom that they need, the wife that he needs, the daughter that they need, the friend that she needs, the employee that they want or even the child of God that He longs for? What do you do when the wheel breaks because the center spoke has a crack and the pressure of the journey causes it to fall apart?

The only thing you can do…pray and wait for Him to answer. Every patriarchal figure in scripture faced such extreme circumstances that they despaired unto death. Jesus was so despaired that He sweated blood. And He was Divine. How much more then would He understand and be there for you in even your darkest hour.

I must submit to Him and let the process take its course. This way the glory will have its way in me. “For I do not consider the suffering of this time to be compared to he glory that will be revealed in us.” Romans 8:18

Even so…let Your will be done Lord.

Selah