Thoughts From A Butterfly

Mark and I share a general update on life including info on my...

Thu, 09 Feb 2012 11:16:08 -0800

Mark and I share a general update on life including info on my short film A Bit of Forever.

Sometimes

Tue, 31 Jan 2012 10:50:00 -0800

Sometimes things happen and suddenly nothing is ever the same. Like you think the sky is only a beautiful blue until you see the orange, red, yellow and purple hue of twilight. Or you are never afraid of driving too fast until you lose control on a wet road. Or you give and give and give only to find people can never give back to your own expectations. Or you no longer can have that milkhake because you modified your system and now it makes you sick. Or you go about living your life like you have a never ending amount of tomorrow’s until you are faced with a terminal type illness.

There are so many emotions that flood to the surface that you realize you had never allowed yourself to feel. There are things you want to say that you may have wanted to hide before. There are things that are no longer acceptable that you would have allowed to slide. There are co-dependencies you need to break to allow people to live their own lives. Or maybe even a lot less faith than you had claimed to have. And there is an utter determination to do what you have only dreamed before the curtain closes.

But what do you do when these things all come at once? When you know you don’t have the strength enough to be the Mom that they need, the wife that he needs, the daughter that they need, the friend that she needs, the employee that they want or even the child of God that He longs for? What do you do when the wheel breaks because the center spoke has a crack and the pressure of the journey causes it to fall apart?

The only thing you can do…pray and wait for Him to answer. Every patriarchal figure in scripture faced such extreme circumstances that they despaired unto death. Jesus was so despaired that He sweated blood. And He was Divine. How much more then would He understand and be there for you in even your darkest hour.

I must submit to Him and let the process take its course. This way the glory will have its way in me. “For I do not consider the suffering of this time to be compared to he glory that will be revealed in us.” Romans 8:18

Even so…let Your will be done Lord.

Selah

Mark shares some great news about his chemotherapy results and...

Mon, 23 Jan 2012 12:28:04 -0800

Mark shares some great news about his chemotherapy results and some of his daily regiment.

Written, sung and performed by Mark Withey. Copyright (c) 1985 -...

Tue, 27 Dec 2011 08:03:51 -0800

Written, sung and performed by Mark Withey. Copyright (c) 1985 - Mark E Withey - All Rights Reserved. If you’d like to help raise funds to fight his cancer, please join us at http://www.indiegogo.com/There-is-No-I-in-Cancer. Thank you!

Reboot

Mon, 26 Dec 2011 00:21:00 -0800

First of all I want to apologize for my lack of updating this site. This past year has been a whirlwind of astronomical proportions. I had been working for a filmmaker on a 3D movie and then all of a sudden I was unplugged when my husband was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer. The news suckerpunched us both and I have spent most of the last few months going through a reboot of sorts.

To say that this is difficult is an understatement. Have your soulmate, lover and best friend fight a terminal disease is unlike anything I’ve ever experienced. The range of emotions you face while dealing with information, doctor apointments, surgeries, overewhelming amounts of information, benefit changes, filing for short/long term disability as well as seeking out social security has been like boxing something that wasn’t there. But even more than that, facing the possibility of losing one that you love is only the beginning. There are times that depression and dispair hits you so hard that you don’t know which way is up. And I’m not even the one that is sick.

When all of this happened I took this burdon on my back that was so intense I physically started hunching over as if I was bearing a load. Even my chiropractor had mentioned that I need to release some of the burden. But the truth is, if I don’t do something who will? After finally letting go of some steam with a good cry I had sat my husband down and helped him understand that he needs to make his health his number one priority while being off. Because I have to consider what comes next for this family. This includes finding work that will continue my benefits as well as his so we don’t have to worry about the cost of chemotherapy falling onto our shoulders. So much to consider and, to be honest, I’m aching to get back to a regular routine.

The biggest issue as of late has been my faith. My husband follows the Hebrew Roots of his faith in Christ. Though I have studied along side of him, I did not feel the need to completely release the traditions I had been brought up with in the church with the exception of going to a physical church building. I’ve done church online or with friends and my husband has had the Torah group that he has been part of for the past year. They have been wonderful and so incredibly supportive of what we are going through. However, there are traditions in my past that I am not ready to give up because of the close connection they have in my heart. “Train up a child in which way they must go and they will not depart from it.” I was raise in the church and it’s still very dear to my heart. Even my name “Rebecca Christine” means “Bound to Christ”. The name “Christ” is a greek based name given to Jesus and therefore my ways are more “gentile” than anything else. So when our family, a few years back, decided to celebrate Hanukkah instead of Christmas it felt rather strange to me. But part of me greatly missed it. And this year I really needed to focus on the cheer of Christmas and so I secretly wanted to connect to that part of my wonderful childhood.

But most of all, I’ve missed a relationship with Christ. I know that seems crazy considering I had spent the past year every day in prayer for at least an hour. But this tribulation I am going through has made Him feel distant and surreal. Not like the time that I felt Him so close. There are periods of time that I think I feel Him, but nothing like before. And I honestly need that back. I need to be 100% sure of His voice as these times and days go darker. I need to be sure of where He wants me to go next. I need Him to calm to storm and my fears and tune my ear to Him more. I need my first love returned for Him.

And that is where I am right now. It’s like my foot has been asleep as of late and it’s time for me to wake up and truly live. But right now my footing is unsure as the nerves start to reconnect and blood returns to the muscles and bones.

Abba, please hear my cry. Please answer the prayers of my heart. Please return Your love to me. You have called m into the wilderness, please speak words of comfort and remove the names of Baal from my mouth. Restore my vineyards and let me sing the songs of my youth. AMEN!

REBOOT

Sharing some thoughts on a quiet evening at home.

Fri, 09 Dec 2011 05:45:59 -0800

Sharing some thoughts on a quiet evening at home.

Dedicated to my husband Mark! Thank you Autumn Sky and Dennis...

Tue, 29 Nov 2011 09:15:44 -0800

Dedicated to my husband Mark! Thank you Autumn Sky and Dennis Curry for allowing us to use this song.

"The human spirit is stronger than anything that can happen to it."

Thu, 24 Nov 2011 22:48:00 -0800

“The human spirit is stronger than anything that can happen to it.”

- C.C. Scott

"Being diagnosed with cancer is like going to sleep in your own bed and waking up in a ring facing..."

Tue, 15 Nov 2011 19:46:00 -0800

“Being diagnosed with cancer is like going to sleep in your own bed and waking up in a ring facing the Heavy Weight Champion of the world. The crowd is looking on, your in your PJ’s and you don’t even know how to throw a punch.”

- Nicole Johnson

God is Good…ALWAYS!

Fri, 04 Nov 2011 17:27:00 -0700

God is Good…ALWAYS!

Fighting Giants While Dreaming

Thu, 01 Sep 2011 21:43:30 -0700

Today was an unexpected day. Preparing heart, soul and body for your dreams can be exhausting. Especially when you’ve dreamed, waited and worked for something so hard, desperately keeping Hope within reach. Sometimes the labor pains are more than you can bare and you don’t think you can continue until that one person comes right along side of you and encourages you to push through.

That is what the movie Moneyball did for me. And I almost allowed my frustration and lack of energy to prevent me from going. But embedded within the movie was the one thing that I needed to hear. “The victory is worth the fight!”

I know that a few years from now I will look back in amazement reflecting on the very hand of God through this time. I will see my fellow comrades, smile, and remember today. And know that one day I will make a movie that will speak to someone as deeply as Moneyball did to me.

God is good…..ALL the time.

I can’t wait to see what He does next!

Shulamite Prayers

Sat, 27 Aug 2011 13:40:28 -0700

Something unexpected, beautiful is here
Our voice has caught the Kings attention
His presence has shifted the air
Tangible
Present
Consuming
A peace that transcends the day
A breath that goes deeper than flesh
I see those around scurrying about like ants
Looking for security in the things of this world
But this earthly realm suddenly seems
Unreal
Obsolete
Fleeting
Like scented oil dripping off my brow
Your love starts to permeate my spirit
How could anything else be compared
To be consumed by the Love
That brought light into this world
With but a word
That breathed Life into man
After fashioning him by hand
To be a reflection of His image

How Beautiful
How Magnificent
How Holy

Selah

I have a hunch!!! (Photo by rebeccawithey)

Thu, 18 Aug 2011 10:26:33 -0700

I have a hunch!!! (Photo by rebeccawithey)

"Where You go, I’ll go What You say, I’ll say God What You pray, I’ll pray"

Tue, 16 Aug 2011 08:27:24 -0700

“Where You go, I’ll go What You say, I’ll say God What You pray, I’ll pray”

- Worship Song

Psalm 138

Tue, 09 Aug 2011 08:22:00 -0700

1 I give you thanks, O Lord, with all my heart;
I will sing your praises before the gods.

2 I bow before your holy Temple as I worship.
I praise your name for your unfailing love and faithfulness;
for your promises are backed
by all the honor of your name.

3 As soon as I pray, you answer me;
you encourage me by giving me strength.

4 Every king in all the earth will thank you, Lord,
for all of them will hear your words.

5 Yes, they will sing about the Lord’s ways,
for the glory of the Lord is very great.

6 Though the Lord is great, he cares for the humble,
but he keeps his distance from the proud.

7 Though I am surrounded by troubles,
you will protect me from the anger of my enemies.
You reach out your hand,
and the power of your right hand saves me.

8 The Lord will work out his plans for my life—
for your faithful love, O Lord, endures forever.
Don’t abandon me, for you made me.

SELAH!!!!

Worry Not!

Mon, 08 Aug 2011 08:28:52 -0700

Then, turning to his disciples, Jesus said, “That is why I tell you not to worry about everyday life—whether you have enough food to eat or enough clothes to wear. For life is more than food, and your body more than clothing. Look at the ravens. They don’t plant or harvest or store food in barns, for God feeds them. And you are far more valuable to him than any birds! Can all your worries add a single moment to your life? And if worry can’t accomplish a little thing like that, what’s the use of worrying over bigger things? “Look at the lilies and how they grow. They don’t work or make their clothing, yet Solomon in all his glory was not dressed as beautifully as they are. And if God cares so wonderfully for flowers that are here today and thrown into the fire tomorrow, he will certainly care for you. Why do you have so little faith? “And don’t be concerned about what to eat and what to drink. Don’t worry about such things. These things dominate the thoughts of unbelievers all over the world, but your Father already knows your needs. Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and he will give you everything you need. http://bible.us/Luke12.22.NLT

This poem was posted in my daughters school library. LOL...

Wed, 03 Aug 2011 13:23:46 -0700

This poem was posted in my daughters school library. LOL Awesome!! (Photo by rebeccawithey)

"Going on Google+ when you’re on a Facebook sabbatical is like going to Burger King when..."

Fri, 29 Jul 2011 22:29:00 -0700

“Going on Google+ when you’re on a Facebook sabbatical is like going to Burger King when you’re on a diet. You KNOW you didn’t go there to get a salad!”

- My husband.

Photo by rebeccawithey

Wed, 20 Jul 2011 10:43:41 -0700

Photo by rebeccawithey

Inspiration

Tue, 19 Jul 2011 21:59:26 -0700

Suddenly I found myself “inspired” to rewrite a public domain stage play into a short film screenplay for an opportunity to practice my writing, producing and acting skills. Have I bitten off more than I can chew? Won’t know until filming day.